What do women want?

… A man

Allow me start by warning you that I do not have an answer to the question above; I’m actually here looking for clarifications, if any…

I grew up surrounded by many women of different ages, backgrounds, levels of education, experiences, influences… but who all had one thing in common: they didn’t have a lot of affection for the man kind. They would spend hours telling stories which all had the same conclusion: men are losers and women must put up with that. They too, like Beyoncé, believe that girls run the World. I would sit there, silently listening and trying to understand what I needed to do to become a good man; THE good man that these ladies seemed to wish they had and hoped for their daughters and granddaughters. It naturally started with doing my best to be a “good boy”, so as to not disappoint my mother; and then, of course, I became a good listener – one of the things I’m sure all women want in a man… anyway, fast forward to my dating years…

A girl I was once interested in once told me that I was too much of a good guy to be her boyfriend – a moment of silence for all the good years wasted trying to be Mr Right. Okay, my righteousness has allowed me to score some good points with some good (and not so good) ladies out there, but if I’m single and I have been dismissed because I am too good, then there must be something wrong, no? I’m just using male logic here.

This girl who rejected me (by the way, she’s a very good friend of mine today) confessed to me that she’s more into bad boys. I looked at her history of relationships and I came to the conclusion that she always falls for the wrong kind. She approved my findings which allowed me to come to another conclusion: she subconsciously had a thing for trying to fix guys; which means that if she was to date a good guy there would be nothing to fix, hence the relationship would be without a goal.

I have realised that most women these days have my friend’s mind-set – including the women of my family, since they believe that their purpose in life is to succeed despite the bad men. I don’t know if it’s because education has become a basic right accessible to all (including women), but some ladies seems to take relationships for science projects. They want to fix guys; and after some time of realising that this is practically impossible, they will try to blame their failures on the men… Female logic?

I’m not trying to justify myself as an unwanted good man by the way, or as a sort of wasted potential; I’m just trying to understand. In fact, I myself have some issues when it comes to choosing my women. All the romantic relationships I’ve ever been in were never really planned for per say. They all started with me just being a good (male) friend (with no ulterior motives whatsoever)… then friendship developed into love, and voilà. The fact that the relationships didn’t last is proof that I am not a good guy; for isn’t it always the guy’s fault when something goes wrong?

None of the women I’ve actually been attracted to have said yes to my advances. And none of these women (the ones I was attracted to) were really worthy of my obsession, according to my friends. You can do better, they would always tell me; and funny enough that is what these girls would tell me as well: I’m sure there is a better girl for you out there

So what do women really want? Good guys to make them happy or bad guys to fix?

A lot of guys will say that all women really want is security, regardless of whether the man is good or bad. As long as you can feed her, cloth her, shower her with gifts and make her feel special and privileged in the eyes of her friends, she will be all yours, they say. Like this guy who (twenty something years ago) wanted this girl so bad; but the girl wouldn’t have any of it until he whisked her off (in his Volkswagen Beatle which was the *ish back then) to a romantic weekend in Kigali.  He used to brag so much about this achievement, until the woman filed for divorce a few years ago.

I’m not going to deny that there are women out there who only care about the money or other superficial things like ni umwana wo kwa nde; but (in my naivety) I’m tempted to think that they are like they are because they were (directly or indirectly) deceived too many times, lost all hope in men and have resorted to looking for something more palpable: wealth. But what if the perfect guy existed? What would he be like, according to women? Would he be funny; a good listener; romantic; good looking; good in bed? Or could it be just any guy but who really means it when he says he loves his woman?

What do women want? Wait; do THEY even know what they want?

(Photo source: shutterstock)

9 thoughts on “What do women want?

  1. Hey anonymous young woman, I am not suggesting anything to anybody. All I am saying is that all relationshisps begin the wrong way. A little example: YOU, as a girl, you know you are asked out many times. You choose the boy to date according to a pedigree that you drew long before in your mind. The scoop is: that boy you pick is most of the times acting to match your standards. If he keeps acting you ll live happily ever after; If not you will split. Now the good news is we pretend to be whom we re not in the name of the love.


  2. Hi Juma. Being a young woman here, I am utterly offended by your comment. Are you suggesting that guys should fake being whatever we want in order to please us? If so, I have a question for you. How long can one keep up with games and being fake or acting like this or that to please his girlfriend (who should become his wife since he will be so perfect I suppose)? I think men and women should learn to show their true colors from the beginning and learn how to voice their thoughts and desires. Moins d’apparences, plus de communication.


  3. You might find me a little cynical but the only right answer ,to the question as to what women want, is the man on the top of the food chain. It doesn’t have anything to do with values. Be an alpha male or fake it, be adaptable and a beautiful liar ladies will see the man of their dream in u. Le seul problème avec ça c’est qu en viellissant les femmes veulent un gentleman.


  4. Every woman is different and looks for whatever fits her, she might not want the same thing always and after all “seuls les imbeciles ne changent pas d’avis”.
    Good luck on your search but really find yourself first and be secure with who you are not for your potential partner but for yourself. eventually someone who fits you will come along and no matter who and what you are she will take you and you will take her.


  5. They don’t know what they want and they’ll never will but if there is one you fall for and is playing that little “hard to get”game and you really want her you have to get through her own game and work from there


  6. L’homme parfait dirait les trois mots magiques en le pensant vraiment, ET il serait conscient de ce qu’implique une relation de couple (notamment réussir à atteindre l’intimité avec l’autre – dans la communication pour commencer et physiquement par la suite-). Par intimité dans la communication, je veux dire … que lui et moi pourrons nous offrir mutuellement de l’affection (igashika), on se sentirait autorisé à être nous-mêmes tout en sachant que l’autre continuera à nous aimer, on s’accordera de l’attention (igashika), on arriverait à savoir que les compliments et exprimer ce qu’on apprécie chez l’autre c’est important, etc . [ cfr, « Etre adulte en amour » de David Richo => je vous recommande le livre en passant].

    En gros, l’homme parfait serait capable d’entendre mon langage (qui dépend de mon histoire, mes frustrations enfouies –pourquoi pas m’accompagner dans ma guérison … on parle de l’homme parfait,non ?-, etc) et que je puisse l’entendre aussi.
    Je me permets de revenir sur l’histoire de l’article.. Si mademoiselle aime vraiment les bad boys (si ce n’était pas un prétexte pour te dire gentiment que bidakunda) c’est que peut être dans sa vie y a pas assez de problèmes, ou pas de défits, qu’elle veut éviter de s’ennuyer en cherchant les garçons qui mouvementeraient sa vie (en essayant de les changer). Dans ce cas, si ton cœur bat vraiment pour elle, c’est à toi de rentrer dans son jeu et une fois qu’elle sera prise au « piège », essayer de lui montrer qu’il y a autres choses à vivre dans un couple à part d’essayer de changer l’autre 😉 . Bonne chance 🙂 .


  7. If the perfect guy existed, well!! he’d be a good christian… very patient, kind, hardworking, good listener, understanding, encouraging, slow to anger, also outgoing since some of us are introverts, we prefer the extroverts. If only we were all perfect, but alas that is a perfect world we do not live in. 🙂


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